What I learned today.

In the interest of being a good amateur doctor, I followed some advice from a Facebook friend to make Hawea some turmeric ginger tea.

This involved cutting and then grinding fresh turmeric root. Which is how I now know that it’s REALLY messy. Like, stain-your -hands -and- dish -towels -and -kitchen -accessories -orangey -yellow messy.

Despite the disaster it left in it’s wake, a pot of healing “tea” is simmering on the stovetop. From the smell of it, it should knock the illness right out of her.

In the meantime I’m traipsing about the house unintentionally leaving yellowish orange residue on anything I touch. This is about the ONLY time I’ve ever been glad that our couch is indeed orange.

While I’m hoping it turns out to be a wonder-cure, I’d be lying if I said the mess wasn’t a little discouraging.

Stay tuned … I’ll report back with notes from the field.

Let It Go

Today I woke to find Hawea was already busy with a long to-do list. So while she was working on other rooms of the house I took a deep breath and dove head first into a project I’ve been avoiding for a long time: THE CLOSET.

Shudder.

Really, people, you have no idea the horror that lurks behind those doors.

Every morning when I go to get dressed I see things hanging that haven’t been worn in months; and then I notice the growing pile of old favorites that don’t fit. I’m assuming that wardrobe dissatisfaction is a relatively common experience.

But the terror I felt when sorting through the piles goes so much deeper than despair at nothing to wear.

On my bed at this very moment are heaps of clothing sorted by size. I found :
•eleven pair of size 6 pants
•six pair of size 4 pants
•and five pair of size 2 pants
• a heap of size medium and small dress shirts, t-shirts, sweaters and sweatshirts
•a pile of size small workout shorts, tights, &tank tops.

And none of it fits. It’s all too small.

I wish I could put into words the feelings this process stirred up. If I had to summarize in one word, it would be FEAR.

I thought I had forgotten what it was like to be dropping weight every day, hiking my pants up, wearing them with the saggy, empty ass even though it looked ridiculous because I had just bought them and needed them to fit for a while.

I thought I had forgotten the feeling of tops sliding down because my chest that used to hold necklines In place had disappeared without permission.

I thought I had forgotten the helpless feeling of being unable to afford to dress myself with sizes changing weekly.

I thought I had forgotten my desperate trips to consignment stores hoping to find something that wasn’t too dorky because I couldn’t afford to keep buying new clothes.

I thought I had forgotten what it felt like to use all of my energy just putting on the tiny workout clothes.

I wanted to forget it all.

But I can’t. These piles tell the story.

There was a time when I believed that by giving away the piles, I could give away the story too. But it doesn’t work that way.

Hawea just came inside and found me with watery eyes … Wrestling with the decision of what to do with all this crap. My heart wants to pack it up, and put the pedal to the metal… Flooring it all the way to Goodwill. Good riddance.

But my brain says that’s not practical, it says to hold on to it. I’ve spent so much time, money and emotional energy acquiring all this junk that I can’t just give it away.

Vea handed me two large garbage bags and suggested a compromise: fill the bags, and she’ll box them up, out of sight, out of mind, but not out of reach. It’s a practical solution. Let the clothes stay (packed away); let the emotional rubbish go.

So that’s the plan for now. The bags are full, the closet is bare and the lease is up for the monsters tend to lurk in there.

Which is better: no posts at all – or lame half-assed posts?

Hi.

Did anyone notice I’ve been gone? Well, not exactly gone, but quiet.

After my last post, I couldn’t help but notice that it felt uninspired. I couldn’t think of a good reason to keep posting. So I stopped.

Turns out, a month without sharing feels like a REALLY long time. But in that time, I’ve covered a lot of inner ground.

And the journey continues. I’m back in the saddle again, so be on the lookout for some catchup posts and maybe, just maybe, some shareable shifting from the inside out.

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Hike, paddle, eat ….

We had a fun weekend, Saturday I went for a solo hike in Volcano:

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20140429-160542.jpgand Sunday was our first outing in the new (to us) kayak:

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20140429-160746.jpgThe eats haven’t been too shabby lately: Greek yogurt with chia seeds and orange slices

20140429-160817.jpgSpicy mac nut ahi with garlic green beans and olives. So good!

20140429-160836.jpgI’ve also been able to squeeze some movement in…a morning run, thankfully it was dry enough to be outside this morning :

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20140429-160928.jpgIn a nutshell:

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Yes!

the space between…

I read this, appreciated it, and am passing it on to you.

I debated starting this post with a quote from that Dave Matthews Band song but it would be irrelevant. This post has nothing to do with that.

There is this moment, this occurrence that I’m sure has a name but I’m not smart enough yet to know what it’s called. You know that moment, it’s that split-second between when something happens and you respond. You bang your knee and you scream “fuck!” or someone says something hurtful to you and you launch into your epic defense of your character. Maybe you’ve never recognized this moment before but boy has it become more clear to me recently.

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Attitude of gratitude

1. I love rainy days, because they’re a good reason to wear my favorite beanie hat. Umbrellas are overrated!

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2. I love fitbit because it lets friends see when I need a kick in the pants (thanks, Beth!)

3. Thankful for Island Naturals and all the goodness that can be found there! Pad Thai noodles with chicken and sprouts ? Check! Random conversation with interesting characters? Check, check! >

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4. Catching up with old friends/ loved ones always makes the heart happy. My friend Gary is a total inspiration. He makes the world a brighter place and is never afraid to take his place in it. Just one of those days that I’m feeling extra thankful to know him. PS: Lilikoi and margaritas, shrimp quesadilla @ Lucy’s = tastebud thrills. 😉

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5. It’s the small things. Going to the grocery store and catching this view:

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Coming out and seeing evening light…;

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Note to self: There really is MUCH in a day to be grateful for. It’s nearly 5 am and those moments are pieces of yesterday. I’m focusing today on attitude and appreciation, because just like anyone else, I sometimes veer off course. Sometimes it’s just easier to spot what’s wrong. But posts like this helps me remember to notice and appreciate the small things. Because as small as they may seem, these are the things that add up, day in and day out, to tell the stories of our lives. The question I’m asking myself is, what story do I most want to tell?>

Success and creativity

These images caught my eye this morning. I like this simple definition of success.

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Easter Egg Dash and Unexpected Blessings

This morning we headed out to Hilo Coffee Mill with our kiddos from Project Visitation for the Easter Egg Dash.

It was our first time to the event (even though it’s the 3rd year they’ve done it). There were tons of people, live music, a dunk tank, face painting, a woodcarving display, the Hiccup Circus – with a juggling act, aerialists , etc; food, games, crafts and jewelry, market produce and plants for sale.It really was an impressive showing and the drizzling rain didn’t seem to slow anyone down at all. It was definitely a good morning – and we are so appreciative of all the work put into bringing the community together.

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20140419-210541.jpg The kids had a good time, so we chalked it up as a success!

Later we went home, I was feeling lazy so I decided to head out for a run. On my way home, Di and Trish came by with a most awesome Easter surprise:

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20140419-210819.jpg We’ve been wanting a kayak for a while so you can imagine our excitement at this unexpected blessing!

You mean we need water?”

20140419-211528.jpgYou know how once in a while, you just need something good to happen? This was something good. I haven’t stopped smiling since. (Thank you Di and Trish, really. You don’t even know how happy this made my heart!!)

Feeling thankful and blessed as Easter approaches. I hope yours is full of blessings too!

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Sunrise, moonlight and everything in between (Photo dump!)

Wow, I guess I fell out of my posting groove there for a while.

Unfortunately, my memory isn’t that great, so I had to look back in my camera roll to see what I’ve been up to. This first photo was actually taken by Ro in the early morning hours. I asked if I could post it since I actually was up early that day, AND at her house for a crazy person workout. I actually missed seeing the sunrise- but this is the next best thing.

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Orchids, puppies and gorgeous hardwood floors

One of the things I love about living here is that BEAUTY IS EVERYWHERE!!!

Until now, I’ve never seen an orchid bloom like this.

20140407-174842.jpgMore flowers. Unfortunately, If I took a picture of ALL the pretty things, I would never get anywhere!!

20140407-175026.jpgMoving on, Jack wants you to know that he’s NOT a puppy and he resents the reference to puppies in this post title. When you consider his age (7 1/2 years old already), you can see his point, but he’ll always be a puppy to me. (Sorry pal). On this walk, he cruised right by the flowers.

20140407-175252.jpgthis was WAY more interesting. (He really is such a dude).

20140407-175844.jpgBeyond beautiful orchids, my excitement for the week was a) completing an 8 week running plan,

20140407-180926.jpg b) finding my long lost fitbit and c) actually exceeding the step goal after a somewhat sluggish week.

20140407-180944.jpgAnd last but not least, the excitement of creating something new (with Aloha BP Homes) is growing by the day. With a lot of moving parts and pieces, things are really taking shape. Our latest project is a renovation on a charming home in Mountain View. Here’s a peek at these incredible hardwood floors. There’s something so inspiring about starting with a vision and bringing it into reality. Stay tuned for more updates!
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